Today is just a day for putting down thoughts.
I am struggling with many things right now, and so many seem to need an answer I cannot find. Even in prayer the voice is silent. Maybe writing a few things out will help.
One thing that is a struggle right now is balancing the desire to homeschool my awesome girls with the feeling that I should get a full time job and ease the burden of provision that rests on John's shoulders.
Some people would think this is an easy one. You've got schools available, put the girls there and get a job. Make some money, ease the financial situation, and avail yourself of some of the fun things there are to have and do. Disney World comes to mind. I think we are never going to be able to take the girls to Disney.
A lot of people we know can't fathom that the second income is not completely a necessity. They often view the things we see as luxuries as necessities. I am really tired of hearing, "I wish I could afford to stay home."
I know in my heart that homeschooling is what God wants for our family. This is a full time job. Even fitting in a part time job seems impossible. And it all just makes me tired.
I also struggle with the fact that my support system for homeschooling seems to be a person of one - John. My family is supportive, but I don't think they quite understand it, and that makes it difficult.
Friends just pretty much say nothing. Some other parents seem to encourage a desire in my girls to go back to public school instead of standing behind our decision when talking with our kids. Comments made when a word gets misspelled or one child doesn't know a particular thing taught in public school - "Well, she's homeschooled", undermine our efforts.
Being an older Mom gets wearing as well. I can't relate to a lot of the kids' moms. I am not as cool as most of them, and I just don't have the energy they do. I am a lot more old-fashioned, and draw the line in a different place on many things like movies and tv shows.
The struggles add up, and are small in comparison of things other people have to deal with on a daily basis. But, they are my struggles, and right now they are huge.
Prayers are appreciated.